


Spirit of the king

by Last_Dragonlord



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-10 22:39:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15959060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Last_Dragonlord/pseuds/Last_Dragonlord
Summary: Takes place after the last episode. Arthur has just died 2 months ago, and Merlin has finally returned to Camelot in the dead of night to collect his possessions and leave forever. But while he is collecting his things, he comes across an object that he had forgotten. The magic horn that Arthur had used to talk to his father. He doesn't recognize it at first, but when he does, he realizes that he will be able to see Arthur again. (I am not very good at writing, so this might not be very good! Sorries!!)





	1. Chapter one

Merlin shoved his clothing into the bag, as well as his other possessions. His expression was void of emotion, but his eyes were deep with the hatred and sadness and loneliness that had corrupted him ever since the day that Arthur had left him. It was his fault. If he had only been faster, Arthur would be here now. The moonlight filtering through the window glinted off of the tears starting to form in his eyes. He hurriedly blinked them away. He had been trying not to think of Arthur, trying not to cry, but his attempts had all failed. Just the thought of his face, his smile, his usual _"Merlin, you idiot!"_

Wait.

What was that?

Buried in the back of his cupboard, underneath a ratty old jacket, was a small object. Merlin picked it up. His eyes traveled over it briefly, trying to remember what it was. There were dark bags under his eyes, as he did not sleep much. He could barely think. It was like a horn, almost. He added it to the bag, knowing it served some purpose, but not being able to guess at what that purpose could be.

It was the dead of night. He had returned to Camelot to gather his possessions. It had been over two months since Arthur's death, and he hadn't made any move to come back before. And he was leaving completely now. He would never come back. Every little thing reminded him of Arthur. It was just too much. He hadn't smiled since that terrible day. He had held onto Arthur for hours, just wishing for him to take one last breath. Trying desperately to kiss warmth back into those cold lips. But it never worked. He stayed there until the sun set, and even then, he held Arthur's dead body in his arms as he cried and screamed through the night.

It turned morning, and he still wouldn't let go. He talked to Arthur- told him everything. Wishing that he could hear. Not knowing if he could. But he still talked, his voice cracking and sobs taking over him. Tears not just in his eyes, but his whole self. He gripped Arthur's cold hand with his own until his fingers turned numb. But he would not let go.

Eventually, he did. He had to. But he never truly let go with his mind. He was still holding on.

Though he had spent the last 10 years or so in Camlot, he had to leave. There was no place for him  there anymore. He could go back to Ealdor, but what use would that be? He didn't have a place in the world. His sole purpose was Arthur. And now Arthur was gone. And Merlin never even got to say 'I love you.'

It had been traded between them so many times- but not in words. Just looks that they gave each other, a gentle hand on the arm. Holding a gaze for just a bit too long. Little insults that really meant the opposite. "I can't stand you, Merlin." Arthur said, but he was smiling. Only Merlin knew the true words that he spoke.  _I'm glad you're here._

He swung the bag over his shoulders after placing the book of Magic in it. And then he left, his head bowed, scarf drawn up over his face so he wouldn't be recognized. He strode out past the guards, and then began walking. He didn't know where. He was just... Walking. Following his own feet.

And then he remembered.

Of course! The horn.... Arthur had used it to talk to his father! He collapsed to his knees, laying the bag out in front of him and digging the horn out of it. He would be able to see Arthur again.... No. This was too much. He clutched it to his chest, tears streaming down his face at just the thought of him. He would be able to apologize, to tell him everything. He put the pack pack over his shoulder, and began walking briskly. He would go to the sacred place of the stones.

And then he would finally see Arthur again.

He ran through the thoughts in his mind, thinking of what to say. He wouldn't make the same mistake of keeping his love from Arthur again. He had kissed the dead, cold lips at least a thousand times, wishing he were alive. Begging for him to come back. Screaming his name. No, he would tell Arthur this time.

But should he? If Arthur didn't feel the same...

He screamed at himself internally. Arthur was much more than that. He was also a friend, a brother... So much closer to Merlin than anyone in the world. And he was about to see him again. Such childish thoughts shouldn't have even crossed his mind. For the first time in 2 months, Merlin was happy. A smile danced on his face.

He would get to see Arthur again.


	2. Chapter two

The next few days were uneventful, but he was used to it. He had spent the last two months with nothing to do except cry. Only now, he wasn't crying out of sadness. Tears of relief sparkled in his eyes. There was a slight bounce to his step as he walked, the fresh breeze of a new spring drifting over him as he closed his eyes and breathed it all in. He remembered riding through the fields with Arthur in the summer, heading off to go hunt.

  
_"Why do you always make me come along? You know I hate hunting!"_ He would complain. He smiled at the thought. There wasn't one thing in the world that he wouldn't give to go hunting with Arthur just once more.

  
_"Well that's just great. Every time we go hunting, you always manage to ruin it and scare everything off somehow."_ Arthur would say afterwards.

  
_"Then why do you even bring me along?"_ And at that, Arthur would only smile. Merlin would, of course, continue to pester him. _"If I'm even half the clumsy idiot that you say I am, why do you even keep me around at all?"_ Arthur would try some clever way of avoiding the question.

  
_"Because a half-decent servant is quite hard to come by these days."_ He would say. Another example of saying one thing but hiding another behind it. Merlin stumbled as he walked- he was so enveloped in the fantasy that he had forgotten to look where he was going, and had tripped over a rabbit hole and fallen to the grass.

  
He grumbled angrily to himself, and stood up, brushing the grass from himself. He decided from then on to keep his eyes on the path ahead. The path that would soon lead to Arthur. Everything that he had bottled up inside of himself- the thousands of things that he wanted to say but hadn't, the stories that he had never gotten to tell- he was still debating on whether or not he should say something about "The Dolma." He would surely get a laugh out of that.

  
Merlin made camp that night- if you could call it camp. He basically just set his bag down and went to sleep without eating. He had lost his appetite ever since Arthur had died, and wasn't eating as much. Part of the reason was because he hadn't been near any civilizations in that time, but he also just didn't feel like eating. And if he did eat, he was too distracted to taste anything. It all tasted like dirt in his mouth. He had lost a significant amount of weight in the past 2 months, making him even skinnier than he already was.

  
His mother would tell him that it was dangerous, and that he should eat. And as he thought about it, he knew that Arthur would, too. But he couldn't bring himself to. For ten years, he only ever ate his dinner after serving Arthur his. And remembering that made him lose his appetite every time.

  
The second that closed his eyes, he realized just how tired he really was. After walking all through the day, he was exhausted. The last day had been fine, but his lack of sleep had finally caught up to him. He dozed off almost instantly.

  
He woke up right before sunrise, and at first, he wanted nothing more than to go right back to sleep. Then he sat up abruptly, and realized that he had been holding on to the horn all night, clutching it to his chest. His one link to Arthur.

  
He would see him today.

  
"Hey, Arthur. So, I've missed you. A lot. You're honestly the only thing that I've thought about these last two months." Merlin said to himself. "No, that's stupid." He sighed. _Maybe I should write a poem._ He grinned at this. It would certainly make Arthur laugh. But a laugh wasn't really what he was going for. More of an emotional reunion. At least at first. And then he would go into everything else. Stories of all of the times he had saved Arthur's life.

  
But Merlin's heart fell when he remembered that it would only last for a short time. He wouldn't have time to tell Arthur everything. A few minutes, and then he would lapse into loneliness and despair again. Unless... He looked back. Of course. If he looked back as he left, then the spirit would be released into the mortal world, and...

  
Gaius had made a potion, he remembered. Quite a disgusting one, in fact, but it had allowed them to see the spirit. If he could bring Arthur back into the mortal world, and then take the potion... He would be able to talk to Arthur like normal. It would be as if he were right there.  
His heart slipped a beat.

  
He wouldn't only _see_ Arthur again. He would have Arthur back.

He didn't know how that would work, exactly. Arthur couldn't be king again. The other people in Camelot wouldn't be able to see him, and they never could. It wouldn't make any sense. Arthur also wouldn't be able to fight, or even hold a sword. Though maybe he could, Merlin didn't know.

Maybe, after getting the potion, Merlin and Arthur would run off together. Arthur would be but an invisible spirit, but he would still be there. They could still talk. Merlin walked faster, more excited now that he had this thought in his mind. He immediately began planning out what his life could be.

A peaceful village- maybe even Ealdor, or somewhere near there- where they could have a place to talk without Merlin looking like he was crazy. Though Merlin grinned just thinking about how Arthur would take advantage of his ability to make Merlin look stupid as if he was talking to himself.

It all seemed so perfect. Too perfect to be true.

Maybe it was.

No, of course it was true. He _would_ have this life with Arthur. No catch. He took a few deep breaths, convincing himself, or at least trying to. This would work. It has to. If it didn't... 

He felt as if all of the warmth in the world has flown right into him when he saw the circle of stones in the distance. It was as if he had been lifted up into the air, as light as a cloud. He threw his bag to the ground, and began running, the horn in one hand. So close to Arthur. So close.

And then there he was. Merlin eyed the stones for a few seconds, lifted the horn to his mouth, and blew. The space between the stones shimmered. He took a deep breath, and then stepped forwards. Three more steps until he was there, where he would see the face that had both haunted and blessed his dreams for the past 2 months.

Two more steps.

One.

The world around him seemed to glow. He brought his hand to his eyes, shielding himself from the light. And then the glow died down. Merlin removed his hands from his eyes. The vast area around him was a beautiful sky blue. What looked like a beam of sunlight was in front of him. He saw a male figure silhouetted against the light.

 "Arthur!"


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur!" He cried, his breath caught in his throat. Arthur was exactly as he remembered. The sandy blonde hair, the deep blue eyes, the knowing look always present on his face. He tried to speak, but no words came out. He sank to his knees, hands covering his mouth to stifle the sobs. "Sorry, I-" He began, but he broke off. Every single hour of preparation for this moment was useless.

  
"Merlin!" Arthur called back joyously. This jolted Merlin out of his tears. Merlin slowly rose to his feet, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

  
"I thought I'd never see you again." Merlin whispered.  
"So did I." Arthur smiled, striding towards him. "But here we are."  
"A-are you mad at me?" Merlin asked, surprising himself. He hasn't thought of this, but now he realized that the question had unknowingly been haunting him.

  
"What?" Arthur asked, confused. "Why would I be- oh, about you keeping the magic from me? No, not at all. I have to admit that you did have reason. But you could have trusted me. You're my friend, Merlin."

 

"No, not about that. Though I'm glad you're not upset... But about me not being able to save you." His gaze met Arthur's, and he was surprised to see only shock filling Arthur's eyes.

  
"No! Never for a second, no- there was nothing you could do! Oh, gods, was that worrying you?" Arthur asked softly. Merlin nodded, and by now Arthur had reached him.

  
"I'm the only one to blame. I should have been able to help you."  
"Merlin. Nothing that happened is your fault. You saved _all of Camelot._ It was my destiny to die that day." He reached forwards to pull Merlin into a comforting embrace, but then pulled back abruptly. "Merlin." He began quietly. "Have you been eating?"

  
"Er, yes. And no. Not as much as usual." Merlin looked away, and flinched as Arthur reached for his waist.

  
"Gods, Merlin, you're so skinny. Have they not been feeding you?" Arthur asked, concerned. "Is it because of the magic?"

  
"No. I haven't been to Camelot since your death."

  
"Oh." Arthur frowned. "Merlin, you have to eat."

  
"I know, I..." He sighed. Arthur pulled him in closer, and Merlin closed his eyes, resting his head on Arthur's shoulder. The last time that he had held Arthur in his arms, he had been dead and unmoving. Now he seemed so alive. Merlin never wanted to let go. He gripped Arthur tighter- a little too tight, but he couldn't bring himself to loosen his grip. "I always said that without me, you wouldn't last a day, didn't I?" Merlin chuckled darkly. "Guess I was right."

  
"Oh, shut up, Merlin." Arthur laughed. Merlin felt his heart lurch. Arthur had said these words hundreds of times, and never had he thought that he would do anything to hear them again. _Shut up, Merlin._ Arthur saying that was by far the nicest sound in the world. "I can guess what you're thinking." Arthur said.

  
"Huh?"

  
"Because I've been thinking the same thing. What I wouldn't give to hear you call me a dollop-head one more time."

  
Merlin burst out laughing. "I'll gladly call you a dollop-head a million more times, if you'd like. Clotpole, too. Cabbage-head. Turnip-head. Prat. Royal ass. Bone-idle toad."

  
At this point, Arthur was laughing so hard that he was crying. "Bone-idle toad? I'd almost forgotten about that one." He squeezed Merlin to his chest. "And royal ass. You called me that the first- no, second time we met?"

  
"That was so long ago." Merlin grinned.

  
"Wait." Arthur frowned. "Waaaiit a second."

  
"What is it?" Merlin asked.

  
"Dice." He said angrily.

  
"Dice?" Merlin asked, confused. "Oh. Dice."

  
"When you coughed! You coughed _every time!_ And then you won... You _cheated!"_ Arthur had both of his eyebrows raised, and had pulled away from Merlin slightly to look him in the eyes.

  
"Okay, yes, I cheated. I'm sorry." Merlin grinned.

  
"You made me look like a fool in front of everyone! And you took my money!" Arthur shook his head angrily. "Do you have any other secrets you've been keeping from me?"

  
Merlin opened his mouth to make a sky remark, built then closed it. His feelings for Arthur were stronger than ever. He had to tell him. He just had to... But he couldn't. He bit his lip, and then thought up something else to say. "Er, actually, yes." He blushed. "Remember the Dolma?"

  
"Yeah! You mean the crazy old lady who-" Arthur stopped. His eyes widened. "No."

  
"Yes."

  
"No!"

  
"Yes!" Merlin laughed. "That was me." 

  
"That was _not_ you!"

  
"It was!" He paused. "The Dolma." He said in a high pitched voice, twirling his hand frivolously.

  
"I just _knew_ she looked familiar!" Arthur shook his head in awe. And then a look of horror came over him. "Merlin. The gate. It's closing." He said harshly.

  
"Already?" Merlin asked, panicked.

  
"I'm not ready!" Arthur exclaimed, clutching to Merlin. "I'm not ready for you to go. Please don't go. Don't leave me- Oh, but you have to- Merlin..." He took a deep breath. "There's something I-"

  
"Save it." Merlin interrupted, grinning. He turned to leave.

  
"Merlin... What the hell?" Arthur asked, confused. Merlin was obviously up to something.

  
"I'm looking back." He said, a smiled dancing across his face. "I'll see you again in a matter of days."

  
"What?!?" Arthur shouted happily. "I'll be-"

  
"Yes!" Merlin exclaimed. "And I'll take that gross potion so I can see you, and we can talk normally!"

  
"Oh, gods, Merlin. You are a genius."

  
"I know." Merlin said. "See you on the other side."

  
"I can't believe this."

  
"Neither can I." Merlin began to walk into the light, and he turned back to give Arthur a last smile. Their eyes met, and then Merlin flickered away.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, there goes chapter one. Sorry it's not very long. Chapter 2 should be up soon...? I hope y'all like it, this is the first fic that I have ever posted and I am both nervous and excited for feedback. 
> 
> I'm deciding whether or not to keep writing this. But I have a bunch of great ideas for when this continues!


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